A Touch on Suicide

Staring at the hole it is but an inch that could take my breath. A flicker… A spark… Still no light to the depths of this abyss… Why so dark a place I must tread…? I am blind here… I cannot see a way… I do not want to be here… I do not want this life…

The pain it reached so deep yet there is no wound to heal. No flesh torn… No blood to show its kind… How do I face this pain that claws from the vary depths of hell do devour the core of who I am… Oh the pain, it reaches so deep… Please just let it end…

How could it be to look upon me…? Look at you your eyes are four and so cynically ugly is your face… Look at your teeth you dare not even smile…! What will become of you, a dog to chain…? A freak to mock and laugh: Who could love such a thing…? For your worth – Just end it…!

I do not want to live… I want to die… I want to kill myself… There is a difference to each of these. To know the difference is to first know that suicide is ending one’s life, whereas death is ending one’s breath. Suicide is when the pain has burned to a low smoldering dust and the eyes have died to life. I know it as Dead Eyes and it occurs way before the breath ends…

Suicide is a depression…! Depression is in common with sadness, but it is not sadness. Depression is a loathing pain of anger that burns at the heart and mind until there is only despair and no light of hope. You cannot guilt depression for guilt burns. You cannot make a deal with depression for it has nothing to win; nothing to lose. You cannot bargain or make contract with depression for it is already a lie…

Depression is an anger that has two paths. Intrinsic depression: the loathing pain seeks resolution through harm of self. Substances; risk; cutting; the one inch barrel of a gun: I am the focus of my pain. Extrinsic depression seeks first to harm others. A word; a belt; a hand; a fist: The ambivalence of this pain is not my doing, but yours…! Intrinsic depression may or may not follow to the path of extrinsic, but it is however, written in script that extrinsic will always turn upon self.

Depression is hope…! My most predominate temperament lays in my virtue of Humanities. My most predominate strength of Humanities is my Altruism. Altruism, in common, can be either a divine gift or an evil curse. When I love, I love to the deepest core of my heart, but when I hurt, I hurt to the depth of my core. In order to feel the vitality (life energy) of my life I first must find my life, and then I must live where my life lives. I must master my predominance. Only in this can death walk to suicide; suicide walk to depression; depression walk to hope; and hope transcends to something more…

I used Character Profiling to find my life: Now I breathe to live it…

Collaborative Topic: Have you found your life…?

Email: oddmail@anoddbox.com

Website: http://anoddbox.com

 

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This entry was posted in Character, Confidence, Counseling, Coward, Depression, Hero, Hope, Psychology, Self-esteem, Sublimation, Suicide, Uncategorized, Wisdom and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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